New Medication Makes Pharmaceutical Advertisments More Convincing

ARIZONA-- A breakthrough medication has been released that allows pharmaceutical companies to be more successful in the distribution of their products. In a surprisingly progressive collaboration, three pharmaceutical companies found a shared interest that resulted in a % .0001 donation of their annual revenue to the fund entitled, “Let’s get more people better, Faster”.
After a weeks worth of haughty debates on the most promising tactics to attack the significant challenge, two hopeful solutions emerged. CEO Greg Aventis felt that mass medication via airborne plane dispersal would be the fastest way to address the issue. Opposingly, board member John Johnson believed that there should be a new drug developed to assist patients in purchasing more drugs in order to reduce the susceptibility to other illnesses. The two proposals were settled with the standard FDA solution, and with a 5-2 rock paper scissors win over Greg Aventis it was the Drug For Drugs agenda that went through.
The triumphant decision led to an inspiring speech by Johnson, “We’re trying to get to the root of the problem here. If people aren’t buying their meds, how are they going to get better?” These influential words led to the development of the drug just six weeks later.
The companies created “Addictoglax” in a laboratory in the suburbs of Show Low, Arizona. Despite the secrecy of the operation and remote location, some angry members of the public health community came to protest the new Drugs For Drugs movement. In order to both acknowledge the opposing arguments and demonstrate the effectiveness of the new medication, all 54 of the protestors were used as case studies in phase one and two of the drug testing. The results were indisputable, with a 99.9% success rate this drug was legitimized for public distribution.
Addictoglax triggers an alternate state of the nervous system. The drug creates a blanket around the cerebellum and medulla that allows that area of the brain to slow its activity due to screens that fill the spaces between the brain's neurons. This causes extreme activity to occur in the cerebrum and hypothalamus allowing only language, olfactory, and memory sensory functions to occur.
The medication is currently in liquid form and available through injection only. It is found to be most successful through intradermal, intramuscular, intravenous, intraosseous, and intraperitoneal methods of infusion. “It’s basically intra-whatever you want. That’s the point, we want to get it inta-ya” explained Johnson. The companies are also looking for new mediums of distribution such as tablets, syrups, and local produce.